THE VERY LAST ONE- Washington Wizards

Recent Past Lots of short-lived playoff appearances, and general Hibachiness. Totally a word. Anyway, last year things pretty much completely fell apart, mostly because of injuries. Now they attempt to climb back to....a point somewhat beneath the summit?

Offseason They had the semi-weird Randy Foye/Mike Miller for Pecherov, Thomas, and Songaila deal, which sort of bummed me out because Ricky Rubio+Gilbert Arenas= happy fun time. But, still, it wasn't bad, as Mike Miller can sometimes do things and Randy Foye could be not bad. Also, DeShawn Stevenson got tattoos, and Gilbert took a vow of silence.

Probable lineup Gil, Mike Miller, Caron Butler, Antawn Jamison, and Brendan Haywood as the five. Randy Foye, DeShawn Stevenson, Nick Young, Dominic McGuire, Andray Blatche, Fabricio Oberto, and Javale McGee as key subs.

General Overview We sort of know how this works, but then again, we have no clue how this will work.

Because, really, it still depends on Arenas. And who the fuck knows what's going to happen with him? He's attempting to be a quasi-true point guard now, and even assuming he can pull that off (or could, at some point), we have no idea how he's going to do after being out for approximately three decades. Obviously, I think most of us (or, at least, those of us with souls) hope he pulls it off, but..there's a lot of anxiety there.

Other than that, you have some pretty nice pieces. Let's not forget Flip Saunders, the new coach, who has proven that he can do pretty nicely with this type of team, and (if nothing else) amass a lot of regular season wins and decent playoff performances. That's sort of damning with feint praise, obviously, but the Wizards will be pretty fucking pleased if they can pull that off. This season, anyway.

Caron Butler and Antawn Jamison are two legit demi-stars, guys that are just really nice players and can do a lot of damage on a team like this. They'll both likely put up pretty big numbers, and so along with Arenas they form a pretty fucking powerful trio, probably the best outside the title contenders. And the depth..it's not awful. Haywood's back and healthy, and he's a somewhat legitimate defensive presence for them. Mike Miller can do a job, if he just decides to stay behind the goddamn line and shoot threes...like he's supposed to. Some pretty decent youth guys in Foye, Crittenton, Young, Blatche, and McGee, where I'm sure at least a couple of those guys will contribute pretty nicely. And then I'm sure Stevenson's look will give them...something.

Anyway, this team has a decent amount of uncertainty attached to it, although admittedly that's mostly just because of the nature of trying to come back from a nineteen win season. But there's no reason to think this team won't make the playoffs, and if things break right for them they could well challenge Atlanta/whoever else out of that giant pack in being the top team outside the big three out East. Which is...deserving of some sort of consolation prize, I think.

If they were a hip hop act Blu + whatever producer Blu is working with. Because, a) like Blu, the 'Zards probably get most of their attention from the internet, and b) I sort of dig the "Blu as Arenas" angle. So there.

Guessing how they'll do Like I said, this team can be quite nice, and I'm going to be optimistic and go best-case with this. 4 or 5 seed, and a first round win. And once again, I've likely contradicted some other preview. But whatever. Hopefully we get another Cleveland-Washington matchup in the playoffs.

AND WITH THAT WE'RE DONE

(last minute) Amigos' NBA previews: Utah Jazz

First off, I just want to mention that (apparently) someone found this blog by searching Fu-Schnickens and Joe Johnson. Together. Take a motherfucking bow, if you've decided to stick around. And onto the...thing.

Recent Past Post Stockton-Malone, there was a period of moderate suckage, that saw them miss the playoffs three times in a row. But then they got Deron Williams, and some other guys, and now they've been pretty decent for a little while now.

Offseason Nothing really happened, which was a pretty big deal. Millsap and Boozer are still...around, and so this is more or less the same team as last season, as far as I can tell.

Probable lineup Deron Williams, Ronnie Brewer, AK47, Carlos Boozer, and Mehmet Okur as the five. Ronnie Price, Kyle Korver, Paul Millsap, and Kosta Koufos as key subs.

General Overview Jerry Sloan is a very nice coach. This is a quite nice team. And so, it doesn't seem like things should be so...meh.

But they are. And it's not just the injuries that have semi-plagued them, it's the general...failure to show that they can display a somewhat prolonged spell of legitness. They've shown it in spurts, mostly with that scary-good offense of theirs, but when it's come down to it, they've never really done that much. They made the Conference Finals once, but even that was after beating the T-Mac having Rockets and the eight seeded Warriors. So, what we have here is a team that's shown us a lot without actually proving shit. Or...whatever.

And, unlike with other teams, I don't really get the sense that the Jazz are about to break out and prove something. They went out with a whimper against LA last season, and even taking into account how good the Lakers were, the Jazz just really didn't look like a team that would be particularly great against a team of decent caliber. I'm left doubting their ability to defend good teams, even though their defensive stats from last season were actually half decent. In summary, I have no faith in this team.

And so, even with Williams, and Boozer, and Millsap, and somewhat awesome tweeners like Brewer, Kirilenko, and Okur, I don't see this team doing as much as it probably should. Which is sort of a shame, until you remember...sucks to the Jazz, and their stupid non-fitting (I know) name.

If they were a hip hop act Jurassic 5. Similar to the Jazz, I don't like J-5, for no particularly good reason, despite the fact that they're probably pretty alright and occasionally do something significant.

Guessing how they'll do Get the five or six seed, give whoever they have to play a pretty tough time, but probably get knocked out in the first round

Amigos' NBA Previews: Toronto Raptors

Recent Past Christ, remember when the Raptors almost made the Conference Finals? That was fucking weird.

Anyway, more recently than that, shit fell apart pretty good there, they drafted some half decent but not that great players, and now they're...half decent? There we go. I think that's about right.

Offseason Marion left, Anthony Parker left, and they brought in Hedo, Jarrett Jack, Marco Belinelli Amir Johnson and RASHO. Oh, and they drafted Demar DeRozan, who I think is sort of nice. They overpaid the shit out of Hedo, and I think losing AP will hurt a little bit (as I'm not as sold on Belinelli as others are), but these aren't bad players. All of them have upside, and they'll all do a job for them. Which is more than you can say for a lot of teams' pickups, I guess.

Probable lineup Jose Calderon, Demar DeRozan, Hedo, Chris Bosh, and Andrea Bargnani as the starting five (I think). Jarrett Jack, Marco Bellinelli, Antoine Wright, Amir Johnson, and Rasho as key subs.

General Overview This is quite the compliment, with the league as it is: The Raptors are quite possibly the weirdest team in the league.

Now, admittedly, this is partially because of just how international this shit is. But, seriously, that's a weird fucking team, spearheaded by the leader of weirdness, Hedo Turkoglu. But, seriously, if you look at the things...they aren't bad. They really ought to do some things, in that crop of sub-awesome Eastern Conference teams.

Jose Calderon is a very solid point guard, and they need to let him do his thing. Jarrett Jack did well for Indiana, and I can appreciate that he'll be able to contribute, but you've got to give Calderon the ball, and time on the court. That means they need to avoid overdoing the Hedo weirdness. I know it's an attractive prospect, giving Hedo the ball and watching him do...that shit he does, but seriously...Jose's the better option.

Aside from that, you obviously have Bosh, who is very nice, but whose stock fell a bit last season. Serious doubts about his ability to be the man right now, but taking into account what it takes to be "the guy" in this league, on a top team, that's not a huge insult. I don't know what he'll do in free agency, but he's still a motherfucking nice player, for the Toronto Raptors...right now. And that's what we're concerning ourselves with at the moment, I guess. He'll win them some games, and with what ought to be a decent squad, with a definite shot at the playoffs, motivation shouldn't be a problem.

Otherwise, they're clearly overpaying Bargnani, but he's alright. Rasho's pretty much the exact opposite of him off the bench, which is a sort of good thing, in terms of matching up and all that. I like Amir's potential, but I doubt he'll get too much of a chance, backing up Bosh. Other than that, there's some decent depth here, but nothing too spectacular. Sort of what you'd expect, for a team of this caliber.

If they were a hip hop act Roots Manuva. Foreign, 'ya see.

Guessing how they'll do Let's see. Boston, Orlando, Cleveland, Atlanta, Chicago, Detroit, Miami, Washington, Toronto (not necessarily in that order, just off the dome). Is that it? Alright, there. I have Toronto as one of nine teams with a shot at the playoffs. I think they'll likely make it (that probably contradicts other previews, but oh well), but I have no idea at the expense of which team. They'll probably finish seventh or eight, and get knocked out in the first round. So, there you go. That's...an improvement, right?

Amigos' NBA Previews: San Antonio Spurs

Recent Past Titles and bullshit.

Um, alright, to break it down a bit more, they're always just around,and then the basketball "public" mocks surprise when they somehow (usually) end up pulling shit off/almost pulling shit off. The central pieces have remained somewhat the same, but those surrounding Robinson, Duncan, and Popovich have seemingly been constantly changing. But the result's just about always the same.

Offseason They brought in a fuckton of guys, including (but not limited to) Richard Jefferson, Antonio McDyess, and Dejuan Blair. Bruce Bowen and Oberto left/retired/possibly died. The additions are (potentially) pretty huge, as it gives them a legit fourth scorer and a damn fine veteran center, as well as a young guy who could potentially contribute real quality minutes off the bench, just scoring and grabbing tons of boards at the '4'. A modern day Malik Rose, except...better. Maybe.

Probable lineup: Tony Parker, Roger Mason Jr, Richard Jefferson, Tim Duncan, and Antonio McDyess as the startin five. George Hill, GINOBILI, Finley, Matt Bonner, Dejuan Blair, Ian Mahinmi, and Theo Ratliff as key subs.

General Overview Do I really have to do this? Sigh. Fine.

First, I want to note that Pop is totally saying "peace to the nation" in that picture. But, anyway. You know what's up with this squad. Experience. New pieces. Winning mentality. Defense. Stay healthy. So cliche, so boring, and yet....quite awesome, if we're honest.

Look, nobody likes the Spurs that much. Most respect the shit out of them, but like them? No, I'd imagine most resent them quite a bit. I'm a Spurs fan, and in a way I resent the motherfuckers. But they know what they're doing, and with the somewhat reloaded/re-energized squad...they could really pull some shit off this year.

But, you know, they could very well not. And, if you noticed, I already had Portland and LA in the Western Conference Finals. And it's not because I think this Spurs squad is overrated, or some shit like that, as at this point that would be a bit absurd. We all know what to expect from just about every piece on the floor, and that in the end, even though he tries out some weird shit, Popovich will get it right. But it goes back to staying healthy. And they ALL have to stay healthy, and be at pretty damn close to 100%, to really challenge in this league. Because, look around, and there's a fuckton of deep squads right now, and quite a few of them are well coached. So ain't nobody else going to fall apart, Phoenix Suns style, and they aren't going to get an easy finals matchup, a la the Ewing-less Knicks, distinctly meh Nets, or "LeBron plus...shit" Cavs. Not to diminish the acomplishments of those Spurs teams, obviously, but it's going to be harder now than ever before, and to get through all four rounds, not to mention the regular season? It'll be a motherfucking grind. And I'm not convinced everything will hold together. Prove me wrong, Spurs. Yea, you're reading this, Manu. Don't get hurt then, huh? HUH?!


If they were a hip hop act Yea, like I said, it'd have sort of worked better if the Spurs and Blazers had flip flopped.

But, really, these motherfuckers are still around? Yea, they are. And they're still doing their shit, years and years on from the magnificent beginnings, and it still works. The formula has changed a little, but at the heart of the matter, it still depends on the same fucking thing it did in the beginning.

Stylistically, you could say that this comparison is off, but there was a definite formula to even the 3 Feet shit (I think Mos Def said it was something like "1 bar 2 bar 3 bar 5, stop, Pos is going to rhyme, something weird is going to happen." And that's about as good a description as there's going to be). And so, there you fucking go.

Guessing how they'll do I'm guessing they get off to a pretty fucking hot start, some dumb shit happens that semi-ruins it all, and they eventually get knocked out by Portland in the second round, after somewhat heroically eking past Dallas or Utah or...something.

Amigos' NBA Previews; Portland Trail Blazers

Recent Past Jailblazers to Snailblazers: a Requiem in Four Acts. Oh, come on, that's kind of good. Anyway, they were a very talented team for a while there, pushing the Lakers to the limit in the 2000 WCF. Then things fell apart (FORESHADOWING!), they went from legitimate contender to perennial first round knockouts, and eventually blew shit up. After the Sheed trade in '04 they had a few pretty poor seasons, but there was a plan (and a bit of luck), and that's what seperates the shitty and awesome rebuilds. They've been pretty decent for a couple seasons now, sort of emerging from the shitness...like a butterfly. What? Anyway, this could really be where they take the next step. If. Always...if.

Offseason They brought in Andre Miller, and Sergio Rodriguez and Channing Frye left. Oh, they got Juwan Howard, too. Which is...a thing, I guess. There's obvious questions of how this shit with Miller's going to work, as he's just a slightly above average player at this point, and Steve Blake has his backers. There's this shit with him failing a conditioning test, and getting angry about it coming out in the press...but that'll blow over. The shit where he may have to come off the bench...that'll blow over. The real problem comes when he decides to take too many jumpers outside the scheme, instead of just facilitating that beautifully efficient offense. But it ought to be an upgrade, and there wasn't much better on offer this off season. So it goes. Clearly, he's the place holder for...(dare I? no, I daren't).

Probable lineup Andre Miller, Brandon Roy, Nicolas Batum, LaMarcus Aldridge, and Greg Oden as the five. Steve Blake, Jerryd Bayless, RUDY, Martell Webster (totally not dead), Travis Outlaw, Juwan Howard, and Ghostface 'Billa off the bench. Probably.

General Overview Oh, Trail Blazers. The most beautiful of the not as beautiful. Or something.

There's no holes in that lineup, really. All over, it's just anywhere from solid to awesome. And if you get a bit more consistency from a couple places...maybe a bigger contribution from Batum (which I definitely expect, after watching him for France this summer), or more boards from LMA, and, you know, a healthy Oden..that's a fucking hard team to beat. For anyone. They've given the Lakers as many problems as anyone recently, and it's not a coincidence. They can match up all over the floor, with big dudes, athletic dudes, shooters, slashers...whatever. If you haven't noticed yet, this is sort of a theme with the best teams in the league. And yet, most people would place Portland just outside that category.

That's partially because it's a young squad. You don't expect a team led by a bunch of guys 25 and under (mostly) to compete for the title, just because...well, it's sort of absurd. And yet, most of these guys are veterans. They'll improve, sure, and they'll gain valuable experience down the line, but...it has to start somewhere, right? And it could very well be now. Now, on the "off the dome theoretical" thing, I wouldn't put them ahead of any of the big 4.5 right now, or any shit like that. But in a seven game series, shit happens. We know shit happens. We've all seen shit happen. And so, while I'm not going to predict a championship for this squad...well, any team that's about to draw them in the playoffs needs to watch their back, that's all I'm saying.

Now, of course, before you get to matching up with the Spurs, Lakers, or...whomever, the Blazers are going to have to beat out a solid fucking squad. And this is the West. And...well, you know. Shit. Happens. So, Portland? You watch your backs, too. For fucks sake. Don't get knocked out by Utah, or whatever. Please. This may sound like I'm bulshitting, or pointing out the exceedingly obvious, but while it's weird to say you "learn consistency", this is a team that needs to learn...that they need to have their shit together for every game, basically. Shit can't just fall apart temporarily, at any point during the season, but especially during the playoffs. That's how you win series, just keeping your shit together, and constantly challenging the opponent. Especially with such a solid squad, with no weak points, and threats all over the floor. If the team on the whole is consistently "keeping it together", or whatever...just not collapsing, really...they can knock off anyone, seriously.

But anyway. Going back into the more generic sort of...thing...this was a squad that trouble playing defense last season. Part of that was Oden's general iffyness, but a lot of it seemed to be a lack of commitment on that end, and just lapses in judgment, and concentration. They were 13th in d-rating last season, and if they can get into the top ten, while somewhat maintaining (or ideally improving, obviously) their number one offense...again, this is a potentially scary fucking team.

If they were a hip hop act Portland's beginnings, in their current form, were somewhat overshadowed by what they were thought to be attempting to emulate. Like the Roots, their style was compared with other greats, somewhat by habit, but also through a genuine expectation of similarity. But as they've "grown up", the Roots have really set themselves apart from their peers, expressing their own sort of sound, distinguishing themselves as the real standard as a hip hop band. There have been bumps, certainly, and inconsistencies, but along the way there has been a lot of pretty great shit.

There's a face to the band, in ?uestlove, that I'd imagine is somewhat identifiable to most moderate fans of hip hop. But beyond that, there's obviously Black Thought, and then a whole host of members that make up "the band". And so it is with this Portland squad. Roy and Aldridge, even Oden insofar as he's well known, those are the faces of the franchise. And with good reason. But what makes the squad is those that "backup" the main parts, a whole host of solid contributors that really make the "sound", as it were. There will be losses along the way, and it's likely they'll not be able to keep all these young guys, but the core will remain the same, and the key will be to continue to keep the surrounding parts strong.

And so as this squad "grows up", and differentiates itself from various predecessors, it's likely they'll become a standard others attempt to emulate. Or...something.

(I should note that this whole thing would have worked better if the Blazers had come after another team, but oh well)

Guessing how they'll do Mid 50s in wins, a real shot at the second seed, and I'll go ahead and say that I expect them to make the Conference Finals. They'll give the Lakers problems, as they tend to do, but ultimately fall short, and this will be one of those things that's seen as "a really valuable learning experience" down the road. Maybe.

Amigos' NBA Previews: Philadelphia 76ers

(condensed version!)

Alright, Philly have a fucking weird squad. And so it's fitting that they'll play the Princeton offense.

At point guard, they lost Dre Miller, and so they'll be starting Louis Williams (or maybe Jrue Holliday, down the line). This is a problem, off the bat. But, ideally, they shouldn't be relying too heavily on play from the point. So...alright. Let's move on. Iguodala at the 2, he's a damn solid player, who when he stays within himself can really be a great contributor. Not a star, but a guy that can fill up the statsheet, and really just help out in a variety of ways. Your classic somewhat skilled athletic dude, I guess. Thad Young's been pretty impressive his first two seasons, and he's a pretty efficient player for a young guy that's relied on to a greater extent than you'd sort of expect. I don't know if he'll improve a lot, but even if he doesn't, he'll give them solid minutes at the three. Kapono off the bench is pretty much the exact opposite of Young, by the way, and that's nice in a way. At 4, Elton Brand's sort of the question mark. It was often said that maybe they weren't hurt too badly by his absence last season, because it turned them into more of a running team. Well, without Miller, they'll need Brand to step up this season. Can he do it? Definitely, he's shown in that in the past. Will he? How the fuck should I know?

Oh, and Samuel Dalembert at the 5. Well, hopefully Speights ends up getting a lot of minutes/starting, as he's a pretty fucking intriguing player, who did very well in the minutes he got last season. Dalembert, on the other hand, is pretty fucking enraging, at times showing quite a bit of ability, but usually sort of just disappearing. And, again, I don't really know how that'll go this season, but unless Dalembert has the best season of his career (by a lot), Speights really ought to see a lot more time than he did last year.

There's not a whole lot of quality depth to this squad, which is definitely worrying. Brand's the supposed star, at least in theory, but unless you assume the absolute best (06ish Clipper Elton) from him, that's not really enough to put them over the top of the other high-mediocre squads in the East. So they'll be in there with Atlanta/Chicago/Washington/Detroit/whomever, and definitely ought to make the playoffs. From there, it pretty much all depends on how the young guys can do, and to what extent Elton Brand can get back to being Elton Brand.

For a hip hop act here, let's just go with DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince. Acus Parents Just Don't Understand. Oh, no, wait, it's because of the Philly thing. Right.

(I guess I could have gone Schooly D here, but then I would have had to come up with how it was actually like militant/gangsta Schooly D, and not "Gucci Time". But, you know, whatever)

Amigos' NBA Previews: Phoenix Suns

Recent Past Oh, Phoenix Suns. Remember? Remember how it used to be? You used to be so cool. What happened?

I'll tell you what happened. Shaq came, it didn't really work, D'Antoni left, that really didn't work...and now....this. Well. "We wore orange, they wore black; we'll always have the moral highground". Or something.

Offseason Shaq left, but they got capspace, and a renewed since of quickness. So it'll be an attempt at going back to the "good old days", presumably. We saw a hint of that at the end of last season, and we'll see if they can make it work to greater effect now. Oh, and they got Channing Frye.

Probable lineup Steve Nash, Jason Richardson, Grant Hill, Amare, and Channing Frye as the starting five. Dragic, Leandrinho, and Robin Lopez as key subs. Or something like that, anyway.

General overview It's hard not to dwell on what was with this group, but for now let's just look at what could/will be.

This is a team that fits the system. Nash, Richardson, and Amare, those are all guys that like to get up and down, and guys that fit the whole SSOL thing. Hill is, presumably, going to act as the stabilizing force that makes this at least sort of a more traditional team. It could well workout to some effect. After all, if you put the blinders on and just looked at this group, considering what they'll try to do...it's not bad. Now, is there much depth? No. Barbosa can come off the bench and (hopefully) contribute, as I think we're all sort of rooting for, but that's about it. But those six ought to be enough against a decent number of teams. Channing Frye's done well in the preseason, showing flashes of...the flashes he showed in the past. That ought to work out better than Shaq did for them, as weird as that is.

And if they can stay healthy? They probably ought to make the playoffs, all things considered. And that's a step back in the right direction. Now, practically speaking, does that really matter? No, as most of these guys won't be around too much longer. But, everything being everything, I think that'll be good enough for now.

If they were a hip hop act They came out with this quasi-new style, and it was a hit. It fucking worked. Now, was it the hottest thing out? No, there were others that ultimately bettered them, but for pure entertainment, an argument can be made that they were the most significant group out there.

And then? Then it all fell apart, and now they're just left sort of hoping to pick up the pieces.

(I'm pretty sure just about all of that works for both. I didn't want to end up equivocating JMJ's death and D'Antoni leaving, but....)

Guessing how they'll do They should eek out the eight spot, and be entertaining along the way. And there you go.

Amigos' NBA Previews: Orlando Magic

Recent Past They got Dwight, they built, they got SVG, they got pretty awesome, and then they lost in the finals. And if you don't know, now you know.

Offseason Hedo left, but they traded Rafer and Courtney (and Tony Battie) for Vince and Ryan Anderson. They also managed to bring in Matt Barnes and Brandon Bass, while keeping the Polish Hammer. WHAT?

Projected lineup Jameer Nelson, Vince Carter, 'Shard, Brandon Bass, and Dwight Howard. Jason Williams, Mickael Pietrus, JJ Redick (?), Matt Barnes, Ryan Anderson, and Marcin Gortat as key subs.

General Overview Goddamn, the Magic are good. Really fucking good. Look at that lineup. There is exactly one real weakness: backup point guard. Other than that? Motherfuck.

Everyone in that starting 5 is capable of putting up pretty goddamned nice numbers, and a couple are capable of being truly awesome. Off the bench, there's at least four really quality guys that can come in and contribute. When healthy, this team will be goddamned hard to beat. They look likely to rely less on the three-ball this season, and the Hedo loss has turned into a positive as a result of the moves they made to make up for it. This team is capable of so much, all over the floor, and really altering itself in a few different ways to allow it to more effectively combat various types of opponents. And with Van Gundy at the helm? Look, I know a lot of people like to bash the guy because he's sort of a mess, but dude knows what he's doing. And if they can play to their ability? Well, there may only be three teams in the East, but goddamn...there are 3 MOTHERFUCKING SQUADS in the East. Is it bad that I'm already looking forward to Spring? Acus....

If they were a hip hop act
07-08 was Instinctive Travels, sort of introducing themselves to the world and letting their impending awesomeness be known. 08-09 was The Low End Theory; sort of brash, and pretty goddamned awesomeness, but still, you get the feeling it's not necessarily their peak. 09-10? Well, this could well be Midnight Marauders.

(and, yea, I just threw my name into the Midnight Marauders>Low End Theory crowd)

((also, Orlando's versatility is somewhat equivalent to the various styles Tribe were able to bring))

(((Dwight's Q Tip, in that he'll still be doing his thing after everyone else is gone)))

((((there we go))))

Guessing how they'll do I think I put down the Celtics for the east, but goddamn, that could be a fun matchup. Anyway, I have the Magic down for about 60 wins, and they could well win the championship. I can't stress enough how amazing those top three in the east are, and how much getting that one seed will matter.

Amigos' NBA Previews: OKC Thunder

I mean...

(they should still go with the old Sonics logo. so awesome)

Anyway...

Recent Past They sucked, they drafted Durant, they moved. And then they became this sort of cool team that everyone digs on, but probably still won't be good for a little while now. Still, fun stuff.

Probable lineup Russell Westbrook, James Harden, Kevin Durant, Jeff Green, and Nenad Krstic as the starting five. Shaun Livingston, Thabo, Nick Collison, and Etan Thomas as key subs. Maybe.

General overview This is a fun team, and a team with potential to be pretty decent down the line. But it isn't a playoff team, and it's not a squad that looks likely to be much more than a fun, playoffs without contending team. Not yet, anyway. Durant's already quite good at a thing or two, and has the potential to get much better at many of his weaknesses. Russell Westbrook's a tweener, but a nice player. James Harden's generally highly rated, it seems, and Jeff Green's shown a good deal of improvement. But they don't have much quality size, and that's something they'll certainly need to add down the line.

For now? Just enjoy what it is. They won't win a ton of games, but they ought to be fun as hell to watch. And if you watch them enough, you'll likely see the growing process of a lot of young, quality players. Better days, and all that.

If they were a hip hop act The Cool Kids. Because even though they're sort of insignificant, the Thunder are pretty awesome.

Guessing how they'll do Around 30 wins in a crowded West, and a couple wins over top teams.

Amigos' NBA Previews: New York Knicks

(clears throat)

LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON (Kryptonate) Lebron Lebron Lebron Lebron LEBRON LEBRON (or Dwyane Wade) LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON (David Lee) LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON (Mike D'Antoni!) LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON (Walsh!) LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON (Walt Frazier) LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON (Willis Reed) LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON LEBRON

TWO THOUSAND AND TEN, MOTHERFUCKERS

(alright)

The Knicks won't be very good this season. But they may or may not be signing some guy in the offseason. We may hear a little about this during the season. But in the meantime, Kryptonate!

Amigos' NBA Previews: New Jersey Nets

Recent Past They made the finals at one point, and then they were pretty decent for a while, and then guys started getting hurt/old/irrelevant/gone, and now they're left with...this.

Offseason They traded Vince Carter and Ryan Anderson for Skip, Courtney Lee, and...Tony Battie. Presumably, Lee's the only one who'll be around long term, and he's a nice player, albeit a bit overrated at this point. They're pretty clearly not going to do much, so losing Carter is somewhat insignificant as they look toward TWO THOUSAND AND TEN!!!!!! And so, that Russian dude coming in is pretty fucking important. Acus cash rules everything around 'Bron. Or something. And, somehow, the "hip hop act" for the Nets will not be either Wu Tang or Jay Z.

Probable lineup Devin Harris, Courtney Lee, Bobby Simmons, Yi, and Brook Lopez. Off the bench...Christ.

General Outlook Well, they have Devin Harris, and Brook Lopez, and Courtney Lee. That's not awful. 4-12? That has to be among the worst 4-12 spots in league history. Alright, that may be a bit of hyperbole, but it's truly shambolic. Just dreadful. And so they'll suck pretty hard. But that's okay. They'll maybe manage a high draft pick, and then if they can get that right, they'll have four good to great pieces before (hopefully) adding someone (Bron) in SUMMER 2010!!!!

So, really, there aren't many questions coming into this season. It'd be nice to see Brook and Courtney make some improvements, and I guess it'd be cool if Yi becomes a decent bench option (for the future). Other than that, just keep looking at that big, beautiful, cap space. Mmm...cap space. Oh, also? Lawrence Frank. Will they keep him around? No clue. Should they? Again, no clue. I sort of like him, but it's hard to judge when he's been given a tough hand the past couple seasons. And this season, well, really, if they fire him this season, they've been wanting to fire him for a little bit now.

If they were a hip hop act
This is Баста, a big act from Russia. Apparently. Anyway, Mikhail Prokhorov, 2010, etc.

Guessing how they'll do poorly? yes, poorly.

Oh, I skipped Milwaukee. Well; abbreviated Bucks preview

THEY DRAFTED BRANDON JENNINGS

(they lost Charlie Villanueva and Ramon Sessions)

Oh, and they got Ersan Ilyasova back, which is kind of cool. I mean, I don't think he's really a prototypical NBA player, but he was decent enough for Barcelona. And he's probably on a pretty cheap contract, and that's about half the game for Milwaukee.

Um, anyway. The Bucks will not be that good this year. What's the lineup, Jennings-Redd-Luc-Amir-Bogut? Or are they going to go with Ridnour as starter? Well, either way, it's pretty 'meh'. I mean, there's some potentially pretty nice players there (Jennings, Luc, and to some extent Amir all have potential, and then Bogut and Redd are nice). But...it's not going to workout to be fulfill the best case scenario. And what's the best case scenario, a seven or eight seed? So, they'll be alright but that's about it. Like...I don't know, most Arrested Development tracks or something. I should have gone with them for Memphis. Acus of the Tennessee thing, you see. Oh well.

Amigos' NBA Previews: Miami Heat

I'ma go with quick, abbreviated preview here, because basically nothing's changed.

They're still more or less the same team, just a year older. And so expect more or less the same thing as last season. They ought to be decent enough, as they still do have Dwyane fucking Wade. But, really, they aren't all that good, and though the pieces aren't really bad, you do get the sense that they're sort of wasting Wade's talent right now. He'll probably stick around, because Miami's going to be able to give him the best offer, but at some point soon they'll have to get him a legitimate second option.

In the meantime, I'd imagine they'll finish around fifth or sixth, with little deviation. Wade makes them a dangerous team in the playoffs, but I'd be sort of surprised if they got past the first round. As far as "if they were a hip hop act", I'd have to go with 3rd Bass. Because it's really just sort of about Wade/Paul, and everyone will have sort of forgotten about this team in a couple years. Unless they're still in the same situation. But, you know, they shouldn't be.

Amigos' NBA Previews: Memphis Grizzlies

Recent Past They had Pau (and Hubie), Hubie left, then Pau left, and then they sucked a lot. But they traded Shane Battier for Rudy Gay, so that was good.

Offseason They brought in AI and Zach Randolph, and drafted Hasheem Thabeet. That may be the weirdest sentence ever written about basketball.

Probable lineup Mike Conley, O.J. Mayo, Rudy Gay, Zach Randolph, and Marc Gasol in the starting five. Marko Jaric, Allen Iverson, Darrell Arthur, and Hasheem Thabeet as key subs. Or, you know, something.

General Overview What a bizarre mishmash of players this team is. I mean, it's so very 2002. I sort of expect them to get the six seed in the East, as a matter of fact. And they may or may not be coached by Lenny Wilkens.

I'm not really sure how it's supposed to work, and so I sort of assume it's not going to. Mike Conley's a nice, steady point guard, but nothing too spectacular. Mayo was pretty inefficient in his first season, and I'm not really too big on him, or expecting him to improve too dramatically. Gay seems like he'd be a really nice team on a upper echelon team, but as a star he's not so great to build around. Zbo will do what he does, and so as long as they just keep him around for a little while and let him win them a couple extra games as a non-playoff team, I guess that's..fine, if not exactly a particularly optimistic signing. Marc Gasol is quite awesome. Well, alright, he's a quite nice center who, if he improves, is another guy I think could be very good for a contender.

The AI signing is sort of like a guard version of the Zbo deal, and so we sort of get an idea of what this team is aiming for: not to suck too badly. That may seem to be a bit of a pessimistic way of looking at things, but it's true. In the West, is there any real way this team makes the playoffs? No. And is there anyway AI will contribute when they're ready to make the playoffs? No. So, he'll help them out a bit occasionally, put some asses in seats, and make the team less boring. Which is, in a way, sort of considerate of the Grizzlies' front office. I guess. And Thabeet, it's sort of not worth even providing an outlook for him, as I think we all know exactly how his career will go: solid to alright, and never spectacular. But, you know, he's big, and that's a thing.

If they were a hip hop act Hieroglyphics. Like the Oakland collective spearheaded by Del, the Grizzlies are only sort of a team(/group), and their existence is pretty fucking strange.

Guessing how they'll do 30 wins or so, but safe in the knowledge that they'll definitely be better than the Kings, and won't be as awful as last season.

Amigos' NBA Previews: LA Lakers

Recent History Shaq left, Kobe scored a lot but they didn't win as much the Lakers were used to. And then they got Pau for his brother and some stuff, and everything was everything. They lost to the Celtics in the '08 finals, then Kobe won gold at the Olympics and came back with a vengeance or whatever the fuck. And they were awesome on the whole, and they won the title, and stuff. And...scene.

Offseason Ron-ron in, Trevor out. Lamar stayed. There you go. The impact the Artest deal will make is obviously the big story for this team, and one of the bigger stories in the league this season. We'll see.

Probable lineup Derek Fisher, Kobe Bryant, Ron Artest, Pau Gasol, Andrew Bynum as the starting five. Jordan Farmar, Shannon Brown, Machine, Luke Walton, and Lamar Odom as key subs. Throw Josh Powell and DJ Mbenga in there if you want. But not Adam Morrison. Never Adam Morrison.

General Overview Really?

Um, alright. The Lakers are, you know, really good. Lamar and Pau fit perfectly within the system, Kobe's Kobe, Fisher can still play to some extent, and then when he's off they have two pretty capable backups. And, when healthy, Bynum's a top five center in the league. Ta fucking da. It begins and ends with how Artest effects this team, really, and that's all there is to it. Kobe could fall off a bit, Fisher could be near his end, but whatever, they have enough to compensate for that. But if Artest decides to take stupid shots and play outside the offense, they're in trouble. Other than that? They're fucking hard to stop.

If they were a hip hop act Wu Tang Clan.(depth) ((you can decide who's who))

Guessing how they'll do Lots of wins and stuff. They'll win the conference, I won't bother guessing if they'll win the title (yet). Yea, out 'dere.